no fucktards allowed

august wilson is driving spikes through my eyelids

2005-03-16T12:16:00.000-08:00

have been too damn tired and busy to succumb to my heroin like addiction to blogger, but after the break and the mental anguish that IS this 10 page paper for seshagiri ("but hating my teacher won't write this paper...only writing it will." -beau sia), i quasi-promise to post more regularly. if only for the sake of my mental health.

need....smoking companionship. where....is k-jo.

more soon, fingers crossed. THURSDAY'S GREEN BEER DAY. this liver of mine is going to bleed out of its body for sheer relief that the week's over. examine: ER on sunday, 3 exams, the 10 page paper, and classwork/homework besides. anguish. anguish.

oooooOOOOOOoohhh.....- beach boys

2005-02-16T10:58:00.000-08:00

actual conversation, AIM, 2h08 pm:

Kels375: I can't believe I'm fucking sick.
zeldafitz79: i'm sorry, girlie
zeldafitz79: i remember once
zeldafitz79: when i was sick
zeldafitz79: you made me chicken and rice soup and jello
zeldafitz79: truthfully, i made myself sick. On white russians. And bailey's.
zeldafitz79: and i ended up throwing it and half my stomach lining up
zeldafitz79: but the thought will always be remembered
Kels375: it was my pleasure. even when you threw up on my car.
Kels375: it wasn't the first time duchess was puked upon. it was the last, but not the first.

i love kelsey. and let it be known that TECHNICALLY, i threw up on the OUTSIDE of her car, driving down I-65, and had the slight forbearance to roll down the window and projectile vomit. i've i'd throw up IN dutchess, i would probably never have gotten over the shame.

didn't go to psych today because i woke up at fucking 10h10, read August Wilson's Jitney through all my classes. Interesting in the medical/biological field of this Life of Lisa, I smoked half a cigarette before French and began getting these weird fuzzy spots in my vision, like spritzes of sparklers or something, and my lips started kind of buzzing. I think it's some adverse reaction of nicotine and birth control, but it was pretty scary for a few minutes there. not scary enough to get me to quit, but scary enough for me to sit down for a few minutes and go "Well goddam....wow....goddam...."

About to go on a recon misson in young torey's room, see how much of her stuff would need to be displaced in order to turn her room into the VIP party lounge ryan and i have been envisioning....if she's moved out to jill's, and we don't have a fourth roommate, i don't see the dilemma. More later.

why didn't i go home? WHY DIDN'T I GO HOME?

2005-02-13T18:17:00.000-08:00

i think this pretty much sums up last night at caroline's-- however much i adore the girl, i am a bad, BAD drunk.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/alcoholwarnings.shtml

thanks NICK for de heads up. he's an ebaum addict these days, i hear.

quel fatigue

2005-02-12T12:12:00.000-08:00

I hate the damn ass dreariness of this particular background, which has led me to form a new blog, which makes me not want to post on this one. I don't know, i was severely discouraged by the words of Amy Elias in my collo. class, espousing the idea that blogs that're just about people's personal lives are complete bullshit. However, I also believe, or indeed, espouse the idea that Amy Elias's colloq. class is complete bullshit. Thus we find ourselves at a cross roads. I guess I'll use this one for the social calendar and the other for what i used to do with what i've been listening to and watching. so if anyone wants to nitpick or whatever, it's http://ignu.blogspot.com.

last night, had no desire whatsoever to drink, having a slight fever and feeling like shit, as was ryan, but then aaron and eddie and larissa came over, and seon joined in, and what was a girl to do but slam some vodka (WHICH SHE HERSELF PURCHASED-- the great american fake ID experiment was a smashing success) and fall asleep watching Death Race 2000? Today K-jo and I are supposed to go to the thrift store and out to dinner wit' her folks in gatlinburg, which i did long ago with ryan and bitchstal-- gatlinburg is a cheesy fineness tho, and i'll be happy to see the lights of a thousand pancake huts again. This week was so hectic what with readin a hellalong history of black performance arts and theater in america for that 10 page paper due in march and having an exam on thursday in anthro (Which was surprisingly smooth), but i was rewarded by the fact of UT installing an ICEE MACHING in Rocky Top Cafe, and class being cancelled friday morning, which allowed me to debauch freestyle the night before. Nick made a smash hit with the freshmen in retelling, Uncle Remus style, last year stories, and purposefully getting steve exceedingly drunk in a particularly dangerous game of "Asshole" followed by "Bullshit". It's funny how all college drinking card games are more or less obscenity based in nomenclature. ((laughs))

k-jo has summoned....she's up up and away! more later.

long suffering lisa....((to cat stevens tune))

2005-02-07T17:16:00.000-08:00

isn't it weird how ryan's shirt is an ever so slightly different pigment than mine? or vice versa?

at least john paul's new girlfriend isn't prettier than me. i mean, vanity aside, she isn't. THAT would be a fatal blow. but clarence, the las' boy i had interest in, wasn't prettier than john paul. he has MUCH nicer hair, and a better disposition, but not so prettier. tho kelsey insists different, and vehemently.

sighs. dramatically. like a 9th grader.

glover's playing homework hotline, so i'se got to split. more on everything...soon. SOON I SAY!

I fucking love fucking l-sch

2005-02-02T17:09:00.000-08:00

I was mentioned not once but twice by the beautiful

so cover up your toes, 'cause everybody knows...

2005-02-02T13:22:00.000-08:00

i'm trying to look like this at present, my girl joan crawford as a south seas hooker, but i look more like a dickerson road hooker at present. the kind without teeth, much less gleaming perfect harsh red lipstick. i do have the goggle eyes down, tho.

it isn't so much to want to look like some michael curtiz heroine, is it? i don't have to seduce lionel barrymore, i just want to look fabulous in a bias cut silk dress.

glover did me the intolerable wrong of mentioning something he shouldn't have last night, i don't know if i'm very happy with him right now. i don't give a fuck what he actually said, but the fact that he said it was very cruel. he can't come over and drink anymore for now. "discourtesy is unspeakably ugly to me."

but--

there are a few positives in this life of riley--

1) smoking-- if k-jo weren't around, i would be probably be a raving lunatic by now. and god knows she and i love our smokes.

2) clark gable-- i stayed up until two last night watching Wife Vs. Secretary...it wasn't even that good and it made me happy anyway. hats off.

3)k-jo-- see one and hundreds of innumerable others.

4) writing class-- sure, i may be getting my ass kicked on "intentionality" (i'm going to pull the william faulkner defense here, which i might be qualified to actually use if i could just crank out a credible story), but it's got me doing what i really care about again, and i'm working back to being as good as i know i used to be.

5)f. scott fitzgerald-- my one true love. the only celebrity i'd care about, you could knock all the others out of the galaxy. i picked up a book written by sheilah graham's son about fitz in hollywood with his ma, and it just makes me want to pick him in both arms. even the crazy drunk moments, at least i can empathize.

well, it's time to take a moment for #1 on this list, so i'll be back later. i found some mad ass exciting websites (oh god, how completely dorky that sounds, i wont' know until later) to be discussed in detail. so next time, www.tvparty.com in its entirety. {:

this'll be the last time...i ever do your hair for you....

2005-01-30T17:04:00.000-08:00

devil vodka.

well, i WAS in a relatively good mood until young jerod informed me that i made a spectacle of myself friday night making out with "some guy" ( have a distinct feeling it was probably mike from new york) in front of the Holt...i myself, having blacked out, have no recollection of said events, but hell, don't care, will continue not caring until next we meet. but i'm glad i didn't call him last night to invite him to my korean party, because that would have been a distinct faux pas if jerod speaks de truth. which, he probably does. why do i get myself into these retardosities? i jes' feel bad about 'em later.

last night was much more fun than friday anyway-- i had my "welcome to america" korean party with the new roommate seon and seon's 10 korean friends-- my sweet Lord. We made 120 red and blue jello shots (dazzling blueberry or whatever was much better than strawberry), hung up a bunch of red white and blue balloons (k-jo is a GENIUS...we walmart'd our asses off earlier in the day to pull the thing together, under much emotional strain), played no music whatsoever (this bitch is THROUGH with noise complaints), and generally had a very good time. there were some indiscrepancies involving a bunch of stoned people and an exploded bottle of hunch punch, but again, the past is the past. i smoked about half a hundred cigarettes with my two new best friends, two and juan, these two guys who're like twenty something, who also, with seon and i think steve, helped me empty the beer drawer, the jello shots that remained, and several hits of cheap vodka and korean whiskey alike. that korean whiskey is a sneaker-upper...you think, well, come on, 20 proof? and smooth to drink? and the next, you're cursing the god who made you.

bought the scissor sisters album after it was recommended to me by Stefan, it definitely is stupendously, stupidly fun to listen to.

more later. i dig everything, scrap earlier sentiment.

2005-01-29T07:19:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up to the sound of pipes running, showers running, the elevators running, and girls running down our hall. Dorm life, you've got to love it. On a positive note, dorm life is not home life.

I highly recommend that everyone read The Best American Magazine Writing 2004 with an introduction by Susan Orlean. It's a wonderful compilation of many widely varying stories.

Last night I had the weirdest dream ever. I guess you have to know the people involved but let me just say that Ryan is one of my absolute most favorite people ever. I don't know where we were or how it started, but Ryan (beautiful, awesome Ryan) was throwing dog shit in my hair. She threw it in my hair four times and I was screaming and crying the whole time. Then she buried me alive. I wasn't in a coffin and I remember dragging my smelly-ass hand across the cold dirt and abnormally thick tree roots. I was really happy at the moment I did that. Then I dug my way out of the hole. All of the sudden, I was riding in the passenger seat of Ryan's car. I kept bring up the fact that I still smelled like dog shit and she kept saying, "Get over it; that was a long time ago." And then I got over it. In a strange way I think this might have been a very, very good dream for my mind to have had. It might just mean progress.

Last night was way fun, Ignu. I loved our exceptionally beautiful game of Cirle o' Death. Thanks for opening up the Holt buddy! :) Look I made a link! :)

waaaah waaaaaaah....i don't need yo' waaaah waaaah -G. Harrison

2005-01-28T14:54:00.000-08:00

if i actually looked like this, i think my quality of life would improve.

drunk last night, cold slowly subsiding. visit to dr. mixon yesterday involved no exchange of sexual favors, but instead the willfull and altogether too kind donation on his part of several sample drugs to heal this nose of Lisa's.

today, didn't bother with my first two classes, but found myself compelled to go to the French one because of the phantom voice of John B. Romeiser coming to me just seconds before a loss of consciousness due to Nyquil intake/lack of enthusiasm at staying awake due to cold-- "We have a guest speaker on Friday, so if you don't come, I'll be angry." It's hard for me to conjure a picture of Dr. Romeiser angry, as I can favorably compare him to a French Mr. Rogers , but i went and hid my head in the lit book so the altogether too well dressed and cute French guest speaker (a prof candidate from Tulane) called on people russian roulette style. salope.

I must heal myself, goddammit.

i've been vegging on the couch watching 70's football games, the E! True Hollywood Story of the Brady Bunch, and last but certainly not least, the WORLD JUGGLING FEDERATION CHAMPIONSHIPS. what in the name of all that is holy. i might meditate on that some more later. All I remember was this guy getting mad pissed about "the rings". He actually blamed some fuckup when he dropped them on "they're just not cooperating, they don't care anymore," and he was VERY UPSET. Celebrity judge Penn of Penn and Teller just kind of laughed as the be-spandexed man ran off stage, no doubt fighting tears. I wonder why they don't ever have the celebrities as the competitors on that shit. I would sell my appendix to see Chevy Chase playing competitive amateur badminton, or Steve Buscemi roller-derbying.

more medication is necessary, thus, more stories later.

ef....

2005-01-26T16:39:00.000-08:00

Andy's Pantry is the closest we have in modern times to the coal mining camp's "company store"-- one pays in quasi "scrip" these insanely overblown prices for things one actually must have to survive--- 15 fucking dollars for cold meds? i have to heal myself before my self-imposed deadline of friday... this booze train stops for no man. more later.

things that are lies....((laughing))

2005-01-24T19:39:00.000-08:00

Rupauk and his eternal struggle to get a pizza sent to my dorm room... what can i say? i'm still laughing. keep you posted on whether it happens or not.

so i looked around and the monster....was me?

2005-01-21T11:33:00.000-08:00

fuck me, last night's holocaust apparently had unknown consequences- kaylee and mark slept in seon's bed and left a dirty sock in it...i have never been so repetant in my life. seon left me a note about being angry, so i left her a note about being so unbelievably sickeningly sorry, and then she wrote me a new note about how she wasn't mad at me and it was ok. keep in mind both of us were in the apartment at the time of the last two exchanges. ((Sighs)) i live my life of apologies. and i felt super crazy bad about my roommate being mad at me, so i called katie and told her to tell kaylee that i was mad-- and then i felt bad because katie didn't do ANYTHING, as usual, and was a perfect party guest, as usual, and i sounded like a bitch, as usual.

ugh.

woke up this morning at like 5h30 and bought 20 oz. sprites by the armful, then cleaned up the hellishness that is always my apartment after a party-- i really have absolutely no problem with the atrocities, but ryan does. i dunno, i guess it's from my domestic upbringing and my dad's OCDness, i just like cleaning when it's mandatory. and i like the hell out of these kids, in spite of the widespread destruction. i'd rather clean than party by myself.

last night was a BLOWOUT. i don't remember a lot of it, other than the fact of my drinking steadily from 4-12, and my continuing clarence saga (girl has had no crush as i have had this crush). and that my roommates want me and my new friends dead. no matter. everything turned out well in the end, as seon is no longer mad at me, and ryohn loves me for the person i am. goddam.

goddammit.

2005-01-20T13:27:00.002-08:00

three things necessary in this life, glamness, eyemakeup, and cigaretten.

well, goddammit, but i want to drink. i already had a bit of the booze in me, put on david live, and await my preposterously underage friends to arrive. the hell? i can't drink by myself. that would be a ludicrosity. all the classes today went smoothly, by which i mean i finished the jerry lee lewis/nick tosches book, and got a good ways through the rock hudson book, and did all my homework during the classes i was attending. it's sad, some things jes' don't change. my shoes look loverly like and small here next to my records...usually, seeing as i'm a purveyor of mary janes, my shoes in size 11 look ridiculous what would have been lovely in size 6. height has its price. at least i can reach the crackers on the top shelf without assistance.

what else?

my mother had to hang up on me yesterday because swapping wives was on. is this not an insult?

well, i'm pink in the drink. more later.

postscript--- ooooh, they showed up. they sure did. i've never gone to the grill drunk before. in a coat that's more or less an afghan with sleeves. with clarence, my boy love. lots of vodka drinking, royal tenenbaums, and making out. lots of love for poor k-jo, who went home early. lots of wondering about kaylee and mark--did they make it back ok? and a shout out to eddie, who taught eight intoxicated people how to play zoom seven times in a row. clarence said they made it to 40--- clarence might be a liar,

much love, sleep now.

it was undeniably clear to me, i don't know why...

2005-01-19T11:58:00.000-08:00

in the words of kelsey foster... "mmmm. bowie."

classes over for the day, i ate some mac and cheese and watched, out of an inability to find the remote and change the channel from the couch, ESPN classic superbowl moments for an hour, and then decided to check into the blog...listening to neil young from an album i think is carmichael or at least there's a song on it called carmichael. i've never been good at the technicalities.

so BLISTERING COLD outside I went to class in fatigues and a sweater and a blue checked 70s shirt, looking a little purposefully mismatched and a little not so purposefully mismatched. I thought because the wind chill was up 10 degrees from yesterday it would be ok to forgo the hat, and there's where i was wrong. hair looked unfavorably like bridget jones in that scene on mini-break. luckily, did not run into colin firth OR hugh grant (weeping, nonetheless), so there was nothing to be abashed about. managed to finish all my homework for friday, which means...oh you guessed it....THIRSTY THURSTAG IS ONNNNN. k-jo and i tagged all the new inductees (you know who you are) in BπP which i've decided needs a permanent resurgance as the coolest drinking society/frasority oncampus (possibly the only...to my knowledge...yet...). This year, seeing as we have a house and all, it should be MORE prevalent, rather than less. so, k-jo, steve, and i set up shop and made about a dozen paper elephants emblazoned in red with the greek letters, their names, and of course, the frat's apt. number. c'etait amusant.

not much shaking other than that. i think i'm going to go watch the joan crawford movie i started last week and fell asleep during. i can't promise i won't fall asleep again, but it's the thought that counts.

I am so here

2005-01-18T17:04:00.000-08:00

Looky looky I just joined the blog! hell yeah

-K-jo

my exhusband (not clarence and not george clooney, but another....long ago....))

2005-01-18T16:53:00.000-08:00

bring on the k-jo

2005-01-18T16:35:00.000-08:00

so, after a little bit of champagne weepiness over the departure of "he who shall not be named" (if you're here to read john paul, he's gone, off into the assholic obscurity he came from, you are welcome to stay but not obliged), i'd like to inform all three listeners, there's a new kid in town: miss k-jo has consented to keep me un-blog-lonely for the time being. and as she is my booze-partner in crime, and we share a similar devotion to alcohol, cigarettes, puppies, and the finer things in life, one cannot but say:

WELCOME ABOARD.

well, hell. whatever did happen?

2005-01-18T11:29:00.000-08:00

a domestic spat cannot stop the full fledge train that is expense of spirit. i should have come up with a better name but i didn't want to ef up the links. a year's worth of work deleted in a moment's caprice! hampstead, how could ye....

i'll carry on, ah guess. but damn.